The Art of Receiving Feedback

A strong ego, not a big one, helps receive feedback positively. Read more about an internal dialogue on how to bypass the ego and receive feedback more easily.

Being willing to enter into a world of uncertainty is the beginning of seeing your real self.

Receiving feedback can be difficult and even fearful at times when the ego is being defensive. Feedback can trigger a sense of insecurity unless you have a strong ego. A strong ego, not a big one, is when one feels a strong sense of self-assurance and enjoys the clarity of thoughts and ease. When the ego is strong, you can accept feedback with curiosity, grace, and quiet confidence. Whereas a weak ego, contrarily, feels resistant.

I used to have a pattern of feeling resistant to feedback, and feeling put down. This could be a sign of an insecure ego seeking approval and appreciation. Instead of looking inwards and reflecting on what I could do to improve the situation, I tend to skirt around my bruised ego and deny that there is a need for change. In a way, I become my own hindrance to transformation.

This is the internal dialogue that helps me receive feedback positively:

Step 1: Letting Go of the Old Paradigm

Acknowledge that my ego is bruised

Address the problems of why my ego was bruised in the past

Ask my weak ego what it needs to learn from the past

Honor what happened, which no longer serves

Step 2: Explore the New Paradigm

Explore a piece of new feedback in the spirit of inquiry and treat it as a suggestion

Be willing to enter into a world of uncertainty

Create some distance from the new feedback, ask "what kind of feedback would I give a friend in the same situation?

Be open to the possibility that this new feedback can make things better

Step 3: Experient with the New Paradigm

What would I do to test out this piece of new feedback?

Whom could I speak to about my experience with the new feedback?

Ask myself how this new feedback has been a teacher

Ask myself what strength might add strength to your ego

With this new dialogue, I stop feeling personal about the feedback, and my ego is not triggered. I am more prepared to look at different perspectives and more willing to try new suggestions. My integration with others becomes more joyful and it activates a sense of spaciousness. I view feedback as a new opportunity to help me see reality and transform.

Tomorrow, I'll talk about the art of giving feedback.