Life is A Song, Love Is the Music

Our need for love and safety informs our coping strategies from early life. Are these strategies still serving you? How are they limiting you?

A popular song is that everyone yearns for love from their parents.

My dad was a teacher. When I grew up, I was always surrounded by some of his best students. I thought I needed to be a good student too so that I can compete for my dad's attention.

My strategy was to work hard, excel higher than everyone else in the class, and work ahead of schedule. This strategy served me well because my dad was very proud of me when I went to one of the top schools in Hong Kong and received many awards, and scholarships all the way to universities in Canada, and the UK.

What this strategy limited me was my ability to have fun, hence I became socially limited as an adult. I took this to a coaching session and a group of coaches helped me unlock this subconscious limiting belief of needing to be at the top of everything.

I realised that I want to have a balanced life so I can enjoy more leisure and connect with my friends.

My new strategy is to be moderate in everything. I don't want to be at the top anymore, I don't have to be ahead of schedule. I don't want to be better than everyone else either. I just want to work at the right pace for me, and enjoy a balanced life so I can sustain my health and develop a rounded life and have a better sense of well-being.

The outcome of my new strategy is that I am now singing nearly every night with various groups, which is fun for me and makes me socially active. By staying open to having fun, I have become a guest conductor of the Gly Ceriog Males Voice Choir and a member of the North Wales Opera Company. My social and musical life is now vibrant and it makes me feel integrated into the UK culture. I am sure my parents approve of this new strategy which makes me happier and more connected.

My next step is to think of even more fun that is different, such as building more Legos, reading in the sun, and drawing. I also want to ride the canal boat as I live in a place famous for its canals.