How to negotiate in a low trust relationship?

Trust is the foundation for collaboration and collaboration is the foundation for mutual gains.

When trust is low, communication can break down. It feels like no matter what you do and what you say, the other side always get triggered easily for reasons that you don't comprehend. It makes you feel frustrated and even distressed. Your gut feeling tells you that something must be changed.

1. Seperate the person from the mistrust

The first step is to seperate the person from the mistrust. What else could be a source of mistrust other than the person you are dealing with ? For example, I reliased that one of my colleagues was not familiar with technology. Everytime a new technological tool was introduced, it triggered a sense of mistrust because this person doesn't understand what kind of problem this new tool can solve. Then, what is needed is to educate, to explain the functions and the rationale of why using this tool can make our work more effective.

2. Stay Objective

The second step is let the other person know how your choice is supported by a set of objective data and common practice. For example, statistics and analytical data is a source of powerful evidence to support your proposed option. Explain that your preferred option is widely accepted by others in your organisation can make your argument more convincing.

3. Multiply Your Options

It is sometimes tempting to assume that you know what the best option is for the other side. This triggers a resonse to fight or flight. Always ask yourself - "What other options are possible here?". You will relialize that there are always new options that can appeal to different people depending on their experiences, skills, personalibities, learning preferences and time. Just present more options gives the other side an impression that you respect their autonomy and avoid mistrust to be triggered.

4. Focus on Interests

What is your own conflict response? Do you tend to avoid, accommodate, compete with the other side ? Or can you understand what you and the other person really want and care about? For example, the other person and you actually may want the same thing but you expressed it in different positions. Focus on a common interest, a common ground. Let the other side know that you have their best interest at heart and at the same time, be honest and open about what you own best interests are. This can help build empathy and trust from both side.

Last but not least, leverage the support of others. People can help build trust because trust can be shared and it is contagious. For example, in a low trust relationship, it is helpful to have a 3rd party facilitate the communication. This creates more space for dialogue and interraction to happen. The 3rd person can help reflect good intentions and addresses blindspots with a neutral voice, so that both sides can be supported to focus on a common purpose, rather than their own narratives.