Happy 20th Anniversary

Read about my worst nightmare and what kept our marriage going…

“Wisemen say only fools rush in… but I can’t help falling in love with you.” 20 years ago, Bill sang this song at our wedding.

What made me fall in love 20 years ago?

I met Bill when we sang in “Tosca” together and I observed the way he treated all his friends kindly. On our first date, we talked for 4 hours. We shared about everything, including our faith.

What was my worst nightmare?

My worst nightmare happened during the first week of our marriage. I woke up in the middle of Tuesday night, it was 2:30 AM. Bill was not home. I called him and no one answered.

"What could have happened to him?" My mind was racing.

I couldn’t go back to sleep. I waited for him on the sofa while crying softly.

At about 3:00 AM, Bill came home. He was surprised to see me half crying and half relieved to see him.

“Where have you been and what happened? I was worried about you.” I burst into tears.

“I was at the pub and my phone was out of battery…” he said apologetically and he was concerned as I had to get up early in the morning as a school teacher.

It turned out that it was completely normal for Bill to hang out with his friends every Tuesday night after choir practice. If he had told me that, it would have saved me from tears.

What’s different now?

One of the things that helped kept us together for the past 20 years is the understanding that though we have our life together, we both need our own space and time to be apart. This is an art I am still learning today.

Since then, I have learned to enjoy more me-time. This makes me free, and independent. We have more things to talk about when we get together. During my me-time, I enjoy reading and taking country walks, playing the piano, singing opera, and practicing martial arts. During the weekend, I explore new places sometimes on my own and sometimes with Bill if he is free. These things help me connect with what makes me happy and definitely can strengthen my relationships with others.

Reflection: How do you spend your me-time? And what kind of impact does it have on your relationships?