Do you give yourself a lot of pressure? When did that pressure start?

This article is about the way I was transformed from my past self to my true self.

I lived in chronic workaholism and over-achievement up to when I was 40 years old. The first half of my life was full of stress and not enjoyment.

At that time, I had the opportinity, the time, funds and even friends whom I could have fun times with. But I couldn't do it. I started to wonder why and what's wrong with me.

In a coaching learning set, I was asked more than 10 questions by a group of coaches-to-be. The final question my coach trainer asked unlocked the my past self for me.

"What question would you like us to ask you now?", my coach trainer asked.

"You could ask me what stops me from having fun." I answered without skipping a beat.

I stopped myself from having fun when I was 6 years old. After I had my very first exam result from school. I was ranked 39 in a class of 40 students.

"I am in the bottom of the pile! " my 6-years-old self shockingly thought.

What I didn't realise was that I was 13 months younger than the oldest person in my class at that time. I simply went to school 1 year too early! Of course I would be naturally in the "bottom of the pile" both physically and mentally.

Unfortunately, without understanding what's going on, my 6 years-old self started to kick myself in the butt - metaphorically speaking, into over-drive. I ranked number top of the class after a few years and I have always been on the top of the class ever since. I even became a valedictorian, Ontario Scholar, Hong Kong Scholar and now a UK Clore Fellow... all with a price of not letting myself have fun.

"Is this still relevant anymore?" my coach trainer asked?

"No. Becasue I was already in the top of the pile when I was 10 years-old" I said in a trance.

This means I could have started playing when I was 10.

"So, what would you do now?" Asked my coach trainer.

"I'd like to go to the Lancaster Festival of Lights this week". I said in a split second.

In the Lancaster Festival, I played Gamelan for the first time, along with some Medieval musical instruments including the hurdie-gurdie (See photo above). What a joyful experience!

I found the key to unlock my 6 years old self ! and I said to her:

"Thank you. I am doing more than OK now and I can have fun. "

I decided that I don't need to be on the top all the time, I can accept being in the middle and have time to play. Right now, I sing 4 nights a week and hang out with friends in the weekend. I enjoy the beautiful countryside of Wales every single day. There isn't another time that I am having as much fun as I have now, though I still need to constantly remind myself to switch off from work when 6 pm comes. Thanks to the transformation that coaching brought to me.

HAPPY JUBILEE EVERYONE AND ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND! Selana xxx