Are you feeling too responsible?

Stop rescueing or you will have to rescue them again!

When was the last time you rescued somebody from a tricky situation? Did you have to do it agin and again?

When you resuce somebody from their troubles and solving their problems for them, it's most likely that you will have to do it again. This is because the real issue has not been addressed and the person you resuced is not learning from the experience.

The pattern of rescuing also makes the rescuer feel resentful, fatiqued and burnt out. It is not an effective way of helping somebody. Worst yet, the rescue can become a scapegoat and no one is winning, this is a lose-lose situation!

What you need to ask yourself so that you can unfreeze from a pattern of being a resucuer is :

"Who is or were being too responsible for me"

"When did it start? "

Very likely, a parent, or an adult in your life when you grew up was being too responsible for you. This person intended to save you from experiencing the consequences and pain of your actions. This might also happen because of your role as an older child in the family, a carer taker, teacher, coach, mentor or boss. Identify the person who rescued or still rescues you.

What could you say to this person now to stop them from rescueing you? For example, you might say to yourself or to your rescuer:

" I appreciate that you are there for me when I needed help. I am OK now and I am capable of looking after myself. If I need help, I will come to you. But right now, please trust me and let me deal with this on my own."

This may make the rescuer feel hurt at first. However, this sentence unfreezes the rescuer from feeling too responsble for you and let you be free to define your issues, set your own goals, accept your own problems and find your own solutions.

Everyone is capable of change. Stop blaming your rescuer and take control of your own actions. Ask yourself instead:

What would I do if I knew that I have all the resources I need within me?

Who am I now? What am I capable of ?

What would be the most helpful and valuable belief for me right now?

What is a small habit that reflect this new belief?

Once you experience your own power of being capable of solving your problems, you will not go back to the learned helplessness of being rescued again. In turns, you can empower others to find their own true power. This is how you can effective help yourself and someone else.